Introduction to MarnaKay 

MarnaKay Parenting Tips work for Girls and Boys.

My goal is to catch the attention of parents and give them some brief Tips that, if done regularly, will make a huge difference in how their child sees himself and the world around him. 

We can change the world, one child at a time.

Subject matter can be found in my blog raisingboysthejourney.com.

This Blog is public. Parents can access it at any time.

They can select a Tip to work on each week.

My dear cousin said, “These tips are also very good reminders of how to interact with adults. One adult to another! We are all children inside no matter our age!  😊”

Why did I write this blog because I believe in you and me.

Together we can change the world. Let’s do this!

I ask only one thing of each of you.

Take the time to interact positively with one child each day. In time the whole world will be a better place!

Start with your own child but also look around you, maybe there is another child just waiting for a kind word.

On the elevator last week I rode with a harried mother and her 3 young children. Her young son pushed the button for my floor. His mother fussed at the children constantly. When I got off the elevator I thanked the boy for getting me to the right place. His eyes lit up and a smile covered his face. It made my day. 😀

I raised 3 sons so I refer to boys but, trust me, these tips work for both girls and boys.

Scroll through the Tips, back to the beginning.

Pick a Tip.

Start Today.

Make a difference in a child’s life, one day at a time.

If I can share one idea to make a child’s life better and thus your day smoother, happier and more complete then this will be a good day for all of us!

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your child in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear

Love,

MarnaKay

Letting Go.

Letting Go means different things in different scenarios. Letting Go to a parent simply means you have done your job. Get prepared. It is time. Your son will be on his own very soon. He will always need you and want you in his life but in a much different way, a grown up way. You have to let go so he can move forward into this new wonderful phase of his life.

I know, it may not be so wonderful for you. Your home will be too quiet. You will go in his empty room and your eyes will fill with tears.

I am betting that no one took you aside in that hospital room 18 years ago and whispered in your ear, I want to tell you this story. Today your new baby boy is totally dependent on you, but from today forward, your goal is to make him independent of you. You will teach him everything. You will marvel at all his achievements. You will burst with pride. He will become all that he can be. Now, listen to me closely, you will have to be all that you can be, because you will have to send him off without you into his new world.

You will wait for the phone to ring. You will be excited when you see his name pop up on your cell phone. You will count the days till he will be home for Christmas. You will search wildly for just the right gift for him. It probably won’t fit and he may not like it but that does not matter. You are wrapping love in that gift.

Slowly, you will get used to this new phase in your life. You will even enjoy it, but sometimes you will think of all those crazy, busy days. You will remember fondly how your world revolved around your children and your family. You were so busy you could not catch your breath and yet I am betting that you will tell a friend, as I have done, “Those were the best years.”

You have now just had a view of your past and your future.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

When Minds Differ.

Listen to what your son says. As he gets older you may start to hear that he likes different things than you do. Next, you may hear that he wants to choose a different career path than you think is right for him.

What should you do?

Ask yourself this question. What do you want for your son? Joy and happiness in the things he does, or a son who is “kind of happy” living the life you wanted for him.

If your son says he wants to go to college, his high school counselor will give him the information he will need about testing and applying to colleges. Once he is in college he will learn that his major does not have to be declared his freshman year. This will give him time to explore his options. He has time to research his dream major, and then to change it, if he discovers it is not all he had hoped it would be. College is a time of exploring what works best for him. He will learn not only from his professors but from his peers and from upperclassmen too. If he asks for your input, share your ideas and thoughts with him. He will learn from you too.

If your son says college is not for him, then you need to be his advocate. Help him through this process as he prepares for his future. He needs to visit his high school counselor to discuss his options. This is important. He needs to see his counselor early in his sophomore year. There are trade schools, work / study plans and many other options available to him. Once the counselor gets to know your son she, or he, will have some good suggestions for him. Remember Tip # 50, Time Management. Starting career discussions early equals putting the big stabilizing rock in that jar. Your son cannot wait until his senior year to start making career plans or he will find that he is running out of time and may be heading into a minimum wage job with limited growth potential.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

In 5 Words.

Things have a way of evolving, changing and progressing. Tell your son that you know that High School is not like you remember it and you wonder what High School is like now. Teenagers sometimes don’t feel like talking. Don’t take it personally.

If you want to know what your son thinks about high school, simply ask him to describe his school in 5 words or 5 phrases. You will be amazed how much you will learn from what he says.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

Texting

Have you given much thought to Texting? It is now an important part of our daily lives. Below are some of my thoughts. I hope you will share your own personal thoughts about texting with your son.

Good texting:

Texting is so much quicker and more convenient, a few clicks and you have things set up. Meet you at 7:00 for the study group. Sorry, I am running 15 minutes late. This is what good texting is all about.

Dangerous texting:

Any time texting takes your eyes off what you are doing, it is dangerous texting. Never text while driving, crossing the street or even walking down the street.

Compulsive Texting:

This is the one that appears to have no rules and society is in the process of determining exactly what compulsive texting is and what it is doing to our world.

How many times have you walked in a restaurant and seen a table full of people where every one of them is glued to their personal cell phones? Are they all sending texts, responding to texts? How do you feel about that?

How many articles have you read that say our teenagers are dealing with a lot of depression and anxiety?

Do you think teenagers are spending too much time on their phones and other devices?

Please encourage your teenage son to interact with his friends in a social setting.

Suggest that he set up plans for the evening by texting. Then, as a general rule, he shares with you those plans and when he expects to be home. Next step, when his evening starts he puts his phone in his pocket, on silent.

This means he won’t be texting but it also means you can’t keep texting him and asking him where he is. Unless trust has been broken in your relationship, he should have the right to enjoy a “Parent Free” evening.

Making friends, sharing ideas, events and good times make people happy, no matter what age they are. We all need others to thrive. Let the robots be the robots. Let us remain the people who enjoy interacting with each other.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

Time Management.

The older your son gets the busier his days become. One thing we have barely touched on is time management. We all have ways of dealing with this in our own world.

I like that old email that went round and round about the professor using stones and rocks to illustrate his point. It went something like this, he had a huge empty jar in front of him surrounded by small stones and large rocks. The gist of the story was that you can always drop the small pebbles in this jar but if you don’t put the big rocks in first they will never fit.

Our days are like that jar. If your son has a 10 page report to do, he needs to start it first. It cannot be the last thing he does that day or it probably won’t fit into the time he has left.

How do we teach this at a young age? Using chores as an example might be another good way to reference it in a young mind. Ask your son to plan an imaginary day. Give him a list of things to do during his imaginary day, including dog “poop” patrol. See if he comes up with a plan that has him doing the most time consuming, least favorite thing first. This is not likely to happen. If dog patrol appears last on his list for the day, you will have a teachable moment. Dog patrol after dark is almost impossible.

If you are a visual person, like I am, you are probably a list maker. I make out a list of the things that I need to do each day and I am happy. I am in control. I now have a plan.

My husband rarely makes a list and his day goes just fine! He is happy and he is in control of his day too.

Find what works for you, then make time management a priority in your life. Share your personal tips with your son. He will really need this guidance as he grows older and especially when he reaches high school and college age.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

Space

There is free space and safe space. You are your son’s safe space but as he matures and hits high school age he also needs free space. You are getting him ready to leave home, to be on his own, either at college or in the work place. Either way, your eyes should not be glued to a GPS tracker on him and please don’t text him constantly.

He needs to learn to solve problems on his own and be able to seize that feeling of independence and success when he works things out on his own.

Working it out on his own means he found a way to solve his dilemma. It means he used sources at his disposal perhaps by talking with friends or talking with a high school or college advisor. It means he is able to think his way through a situation using the resources available to him.

In other words, you need to prepare him to make decisions without your daily input.

When your son is away at college I guarantee you that the highlight of your day will be when his name pops up on your cell phone. He won’t be calling often, and when he does, you don’t want him asking for your help.

You want to hear something like this, “Mom, I had this problem but don’t worry I already solved it. I really didn’t like the elective I chose. I talked to some friends who had other classes. Then I went to see my advisor and chose another class. It was so easy and this will be so much better for me.”

This is success! One more step toward the ultimate goal of being able to handle the unknown more serious problems yet to come.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

A Letter to Your Son.

Why should you write a letter to your son? You see him every day.

What would you say, what should you say?

Tell him how he brightens your day. How does he brighten your day?

Does he make you laugh, does he fill your heart with love when he walks in the front door? Do you feel pride in each of his new accomplishments? Do you love it when you see him doing something kind, or something so grown up that it just blows you away.

Jot down these special moments in the notes section on your phone. When you get 5 things, write him a letter. He will love it and you will feel pretty good too!

When you make him feel special, it opens the door to him realizing that he can be special to others too.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay

Being a Good Listener.

For some children being a good listener just comes naturally but for many others this skill needs to be learned. You, the parent, are the teacher.

Part of being a good listener is learning to include others. Teach your son to reach outside his own circle and Include other classmates. Teach him never to purposefully exclude anyone. He needs to learn that everyone has something to add to the group.

If you can teach your son this important social skill he will quickly learn that if everyone has something to add to the group then he better take time to listen to what others have to say.

Here is a tried and true “5 minute rule”. Take a sticky note and place it on your fridge. “If I have monopolized the conversation for 5 minutes, it is definitely time for me to stop talking. It is time for me to listen and to learn from others.”

This “5 minute rule” will teach him to be mindful of how long he has been talking.

There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.

Love,

MarnaKay