Criticism. Ridicule.
These are two very different things but criticism can sound like ridicule.
Each will lower his self esteem especially when the comments come from a loved one.
On the other hand, Constructive Criticism can be very helpful when your son is open to your suggestions. If you see an area where you think your son could make some improvements, use your words carefully.
An example:
I asked you to clean your room but I am guessing that we have different thoughts on what that means. When you have a free moment can we talk about this?
Hopefully, you are opening the door for him eventually saying, probably with some exasperation, “Mom, WHAT exactly is it that you want me to do in my room?” If and when this happens you have your opening and your teachable moment.
This works much better than saying, “I told you to clean your room. It is a mess, just like everything you try to do. Why can’t you ever do what I tell you to do? I am so disappointed in you.”
Evaluate the above paragraph. It accomplished nothing but hurting your son’s feelings. He no longer wants to please you. He could care less about his room AND the crushing blow is that he feels he is a disappointment.
We are all prone to saying things we wish we could take back. This would DEFINITELY be one of those times.
In some cases, it might be fair to say that his actions disappoint you. There is an out there. He can always change his actions but saying HE is a disappointment is never appropriate. It is very hurtful and damaging to him.
There you go. Another lesson for today. Now, go and love your son in your own special way. Some days are long but, trust me, the years will just disappear.
Love,
MarnaKay
Boys 